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The LOTR Movie Site
April 25, 2000Spasms, Then Death ...
James A.
Reports have surfaced that a malady known as the "Black
Breath" is claiming the lives of true Tolkien fans world-wide. Apparently, the
"2BB" (as it is being referred to) has as its root cause the notion that Peter
Jackson, famed director of the much awaited -- and oft maligned -- Lord of the Rings movie
has apparently significantly altered the general storyline of the story considered by many
to be the soul of fantasy fiction literature. It seems that Jackson has had to make
difficult choices about whether to stay completely true to the Professor's story or to
redevelop the story in such a way as to ensure that the movie can still be produced on
time/on budget. When this issue is revealed to previously uninformed tolkien purists, they
experience melancholy, depression, general anxiety disorder, and in extreme cases even
death. One such case of death resulted when a script editor for Jackson's crew replied to
a fan's e-mailed complaint with, and I quote "....Bombadil was a Leninist. Grow Up
!" The fan immediately dropped dead, the cause baffling the local medical community,
which has named this disorder as the "Black Breath" in honor of the Nazgul King,
played by Bill Dee Williams. When asked to comment, Jackson replied only with this
"...Does anybody know how to spell Radagast? Is there a "h" in there
somewhere?" Rumors have also surfaced that the movie will be released
direct-to-video, to reduced the likelihood of the spread of "2BB" by ensuring
purists are not exposed to each other during the initial screenings. More to come as
developments warrant... report by 'Spasms, then death...' |