The LOTR Movie Site
April 25, 2000

Spasms, Then Death ...
James A.

Reports have surfaced that a malady known as the "Black Breath" is claiming the lives of true Tolkien fans world-wide. Apparently, the "2BB" (as it is being referred to) has as its root cause the notion that Peter Jackson, famed director of the much awaited -- and oft maligned -- Lord of the Rings movie has apparently significantly altered the general storyline of the story considered by many to be the soul of fantasy fiction literature. It seems that Jackson has had to make difficult choices about whether to stay completely true to the Professor's story or to redevelop the story in such a way as to ensure that the movie can still be produced on time/on budget. When this issue is revealed to previously uninformed tolkien purists, they experience melancholy, depression, general anxiety disorder, and in extreme cases even death. One such case of death resulted when a script editor for Jackson's crew replied to a fan's e-mailed complaint with, and I quote "....Bombadil was a Leninist. Grow Up !" The fan immediately dropped dead, the cause baffling the local medical community, which has named this disorder as the "Black Breath" in honor of the Nazgul King, played by Bill Dee Williams. When asked to comment, Jackson replied only with this "...Does anybody know how to spell Radagast? Is there a "h" in there somewhere?" Rumors have also surfaced that the movie will be released direct-to-video, to reduced the likelihood of the spread of "2BB" by ensuring purists are not exposed to each other during the initial screenings. More to come as developments warrant... report by 'Spasms, then death...'