Ring-a-Rosy Future
Staff Reporter

Stand by for Lord Of The Cash-Ins - that ringing in your ears is the sound of cash registers being sent into overdrive as businesses seek to jump on The Lord Of The Rings movie bandwagon.

Already Team European has offered an Audi as "official car" - its logo is made up of rings . . . geddit?

Former mayor Mark Blumsky has dived into promoting the week-long extravaganza to launch the first movie in the trilogy, The Fellowship Of The Ring, next month, and wants more ideas for business link-ups.

The mind boggles. A spokesman for Wellington City Council was less than lukewarm over the suggestion the controversial planned inner-city bypass be extended and made the Official Ring Road of The Lord Of The Rings. But they were marginally less dismissive when asked if the Basin Reserve might fill that role instead.

In the private sector the opportunities are endless.

There must surely be only one brand in line for the "Official Toothpaste Of The Lord Of The Rings", with its famous "ring of confidence" slogan, and burger rings would make an ideal "Official Junkfood".

For those with a healthier bent, how about the onion as "Official Vegetable", and fierce competition can be expected among telecommunications and phone manufacturers to provide the "Official Ring". That would doubtless cause massive problems as jewellers battle to provide the "Official Rings".

And get set for the sight of the hairdresser spurned, for there can only be one creator of the "Official Ringlets".

The big guns will be out in force to decide whether the Olympic Games can really fill the role of "Official Olympic Rings of The Lord Of The Rings", but surely director Peter Jackson has the "Official Harry Potter Of The Lord Of The Rings (Mature Section)" sewn up.

Expect less competition for the slightly less attractive titles . . . "Official Ointment" . . . for all your ringworm requirements . . . and, of course, "Official Lord Of The Lord Of The Rings".

Religious groups should remember the Lord in question is a baddie in the movie. Obviously, there's only one starter for "Official Beatle".