February 7, 2004

I Never Knew...
Brett C.

Thankyou once again for you words of praise, Magic Fire; I have briefly skimmed the nitpickers website but gosh, there are so many; I obviously only scratched the surface with my articles.

So since another with [obviously] considerably more time on his hands than I has taken up the nitpickers torch, let me rather turn my attention to…

ALL THE THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT LOTR UNTIL YOUR SAW THE MOVIE!!!

#10. Gondorian engineering is so advanced, they feel confident in building their structures without mortar; just one block stacked on top of the other.

#9. The elf batteries in glowing weapons last longer in short swords [Sting] than they do in long swords [Glamdring].

#8. It is considered rude to mention to a Dwarf that you suspect his cousin and all of his followers have been brutally killed years ago.

#7. Conversely, Dwarves think nothing of losing contact with their kin for fifty years, and will readily suggest dropping in for tea despite a total lack of correspondence from those living in caves known to harbour ancient and powerful demons.

#6. It is standard practice among WoodElves, when facing overwhelming numbers of physically stronger troops armed with 10 foot pikes, to follow their leaders orders to discard their longbows and charge headlong into the ranks of spears.

#5. You are considered in Mordor to be tactically brilliant if your entire battle plan for assaulting the most heavily defended fortress of the your enemy consists of "Go forward. Kill everyone."

#4. No man can grow a decent looking full beard unless he first becomes a. a wizard or b. a King.

#3. Gandalf is so wise he keeps a wardrobe at Rivendell stocked with spare staves AND hats.

#2. A point blank arrow shot to the base of the skull will instantly kill a 100 ton Mumak, but only annoy a 5 ton troll.

And number one…

A Half-Elf Loremaster who spends three movies constantly moaning about how he is not going to leave his daughter behind to die will think nothing of sending her out alone on a mission of war against the Nine most deadly servants of the Dark Lord.