April 22, 2005

Being a living dead
Julie

Faerlas, an others who read, first of all, I want to apologize, my text will be a little long, I'm sorry but thats how we women are, we REALLY express ourselves! Sometimes too much lollll!;~) I guess we all live in the shadow one time or an other in our lives but we live it in different degrees or "intensité", pardon my french lolllll. For example, from the age of 13 to my early twenties, I was a "living dead". I was obsessed with death, I wrote stories about people getting tortured and killed in awful ways, I was always wearing black, I dyed my hair black, I only got out of my house when the sun was down, I was silent, pale and...suicidal. And I was convinced that I was in the wrong world, I was sure that my place was on the other side with the entities! Sigh! A nut I was! But being tired of suffering, I consulted a psychiatrist to find out that my brain does not produce enough "good mood" hormones, so I have to take pills to be happy! At first I told myself "Oh great...I'm a pill popper!" But I've been taking "happy pills" for a year now and my treatement is ending soon! Now I wear more colors, I'm happy to be alive and I enjoy it! It's like a rebirth! I have a good job, I have more self-esteem. I'm only missing friends (they let me down since I've been on t.v.), and I've been single for almost 3 years...but that's an other problem...but anyway, I love myself and I guess that's what really matters...but it would be so nice to be in love again...so all of that to say, we all pass in the shadow once in a while and it's okay, sometimes we learn more in suffering, it makes us more mature, but we all deal with it in different ways.

So sorry again for the long text lollll! I have nobody to talk to what can I say!

Take care guys!