May 28, 2002

Misunderstandings With Explanations
Diana

Sarah and Renee, I never mentioned about Tomas being offensive. I just answered his question about Hal talking about Ents. You probably meant Anthony T. I never said you couldn’t disagree, but I said that you could express your disagreements in a less offensvie way. I did say that we all need to accept differences, and I accept all your point-of-views, so don’t lie by saying that I was being hypocritic and not accepting, Renee. I didn’t even say anything about you, so mind your own business (I apologize for these offensive sentences, but I can’t stand it when someone says something about me that’s not true). We can express our opinions without attacking other people’s opinions, and I was saying that Tavra, Sarah, and Anthony’s expressions were not really letting others express their opinions. All right, maybe “offensive” is not a good word to use, but I did find some comments harsh and rude, especially with caps lock (which means yelling). I apologize if there was misunderstanding. I’ll try to explain my points with some examples.

1) Here is Tavra’s message on 5-9-02
“So, is there ANY way that people could quit writing about their complaints (unless you have a really good one). The one that bugs me most is, "It should have been longer," or, "Something should have been different." Well, that's great. But there is nothing we can do about it. So, what is the point in saying it? It's getting annoying. Sorry, but we are just getting way too many complaints. If they have a point, I don't mind reading, but most of them lately have been pretty pointless.”

My explanation:
I felt my freedom of speech being violated, as if we are not allowed to complain. It made our complaints sound bad, and the complainers sound like burdens or troublemakers. A less harsh way to express it would be: “I was wondering if people could complain less, especially on `It should have been longer,’ or, `Something should have been different.’ I was wondering what the point in saying them was. If they have a point, I don’t mind reading, but I just couldn’t find the point on many of them.”

Tavra, I didn’t feel offended on the 5-26-02 message:
“I like long essays better, by the way. Some people like short ones. So, people, keep writing both. The only thing is, if you are going to have two or three of your's posted EVERYday, why not just combine them into a long essay. If you have that much to say, say it. But let other people have their articles too. I want to read four or five different essays by four or five different people, not five of them, with one person having written two, even three, of them.”

You expressed it in a more gentler and polite way, which was great.

2) Anthony T. on 5-12-02
“I am getting soooooooo bored with the same old debates over and over and OVER again! Glorfindel vs Arwen, the absence of Tom Bombadil, the Balrog and his maybe-maybenot wings, to Liv or not to Liv! Can we please all put our thinking caps on, and come up with something new to talk about!!!”

My explanation:
I felt condescended with “put our thinking caps on,” because to me those words mean “You don’t think” or “You are stupid.” Same with all those “!” and caps lock. Those, as I mentioned, means yelling and scolding. I wouldn’t have been offended if it was expressed this way: “I’ve noticed that we’ve been discussing some topics over and over again: Glorfindel vs Arwen, the absence of Tom Bombadil, the Balrog and his maybe-maybenot wings, to Liv or not to Liv! I am getting bored of those topics, and was wondering if we could talk about something different.”

3) Sarah on 5-18-02
“People are too picky. Stop complaining. PJ tried his best, and he did a GREAT job. To Bob the Builder: Complaining doesn't start any interesting debates! Just a bunch of `I agree’s. Questions and stuff start debates, but I haven't once seen complaining provide interesting debate subjects.”

My explanation:
Here, I once again felt my freedom of speech being violated, as if we’re not allowed to complain about the movie, and that we’re doing something evil. Your opinion was like ordering people around, which elicits feelings of being looked down upon. It wouldn’t sound so domineering and harsh if it were written this way: “ I think some people are being too picky, and was wondering if they could not complain as much. PJ tried his best and did a great job. Bob the Builder, I don’t agree that complaining starts interesting debates, but just brings on many agreements, because I haven’t seen complaining providing interesting debate subjects. I think questions and stuff start debates.”

Then for this part:
“Richard, like Tavra said, he DOES say Earendil, not Elendil. Next time you see it, listen carefully. I'm pretty sure there is no 'r' in Elendil :).”

My explanation
I know this is not my business. I’m just using it to help get my point across. I thought it could be better if you had said, “Richard, like Tavra said, he does say Earendil, not Elendil. Next time you see it, you can check it again. I'm pretty sure there is no 'r' in Elendil :).”

By the way, I never complained about replacing Glorfindel with Arwen, or anything about “being politically correct on Arwen.”

Here is my message on 5-23-02:
“Society has always looked down upon women and throughout history, women have been treated as men's property. That's why I sometimes like some of the modern stories where women at least have a voice. Tolkien lived in the time when women were still considered inferior. Maybe that's why there were few women in the story, and he kept referring to humans as "men," as if we women are not people or don't even exist. However, he still showed that women are not weak with the few female characters, such as Galadriel and Eowyn.”

I did explain how history was like, and how Tolkien lived in that society, so his novel had to match it, but he was able to show that women are not weak. I just didn’t like how he kept using “men” instead of “humans.”

All right, maybe I was unclear here, but this was kind of another topic I was talking about: “I think Tolkien meant to develop Arwen a little more, but as I mentioned his story was a somewhat incomplete, and he died before he quite finished it.” I was no longer talking about the role of women.

I’ll give you an example of disagreements that didn’t sound harsh or rude:
Brett C. on 4-29-02
“…I can't agree with your view that the movie made Boromir evil.” Then Brett proceeds to explain about Sean Bean.

Lem on 5-11-01
“I agree that a year is too long a time to wait for each movie to come out. But, if they'd done a segment for each book wouldn't it get tiring to go every 3 months or so to see another installment? Not only that, but many of my friends have never read the books, and only inteded to see the movie, so wouldn't many fans like these be put off by the staggering number of films each 2-3 hours long?”

These are ways to express opinions in a less harsh and more mild way.

Remember, I’m not saying that you can’t disagree or express your opinions. I’m just saying that you can do it in a less harsh and more polite way. I know there are more essays on the issue since it takes several days to get an essay posted, and by that time, some of the information is outdated, and some of us don’t remember what it was about anymore. Sarah and Renee’s essays were probably submitted last week, right after my essays on that issue were posted. One thing I need to apologize for is getting after the same people more than once because of what they once said in an essay. I should have mentioned them only once, right after I read the essays. I also apologize again for being unclear. I should have explained my point better. It is May 27 today, but this probably won’t get posted until about June 1 or after.