September 15, 2005

Drag-cula
Julie

Sorry for this title. Yes I think he wanted to hypnotize me so I would not feel any pain. It worked. But maybe he was a Dracula wannabe! Who knows?

Other subject, I did get involved in fights when I was a teen, but I was fighting with boys!! A stupid dude used to be a real pain to everybody in school so one time, I had enough of his stupidity so at first, I slapped him on his cheek then he pushed me, I punched him, he pushed me harder so I fell on my back and he kicked me in the head so other guys punched him. Later in the day, all the boys at school wanted to break his face!! For the first time in my life, people were on my side!! And when I was a child, I used to fight with other girls and other boys that were about my age. I grew up in a violent neighbourhood. Now I just yell at people that insult me or push me in public places (when they really push me hard...like this morning! Grrrrrr!). But on few occasions, I've intimidated some men in bars, men that have been disrespectful to me or my friends. I would push them away really hard or defied them to fist fight with me. If the guy would push me back, other men would gather around him and push him while some would comfort me. I could have been in real trouble!!! The barman would seperate us and kicked the guy out (beeing the one that started the trouble) and he would tell me to calm down and to sit down. Then other men would approach me to calm me down and ask me what happened and if I was okay. I remember, one time a thing like that happened but it was my fault. I was very drunk that night and I was with a female friend, I guy bugged us so after telling him off politely, he kept bugging us so I got up and pushed him hard. He pushed me back so hard that I fell on my chair then as usual, guys gathered around and pushed him. The barman made him sit far from me. Later I got up and realized that I was to hard on the dude and afterall, he was not so bad. So I came to him and seeing that I was not angry he apologized and I said to come outside. He hezitated, I told him that I did not want to hurt him, just explain myself. I grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him outside (gently of course!). I told him that I was sorry, and that I've realized that he did not mean to bug us, that I've over reacted and that I had no right to treat him like this. He said that we both over reacted because we were both drunk and we laughed and huged eachother. So we went back in and had fun. Now I've stopped doing that. When a drunk idiot gives me trouble, I simply tell him to get lost or I just ignore him. After all, I am a woman and I should act like one! But you know, back then...I was a frustrated girl that have been hurt to often by men so I became a tomboy and I was very agressive. I'm still agressive but I dress and act like a woman. I've put away my piercings, my spiked chocker, my chains and my skull rings and I try to hide my tattoos. Some times I miss them but a person has to evolve, grow up and deal with problems using brains, words and accept who he or she is. I'll always be agressive and impulsive but I can also verbalize my frustrations without fighting or breaking stuff. It is hard but it can be done. I'm proud of this progression! Sorry if I bored some of you with this emotional text ;~ p lollll. It had to come out, not much care for me in my "environnement". Enough complaints! I let the fire in my heart carry me away from sorrow and drag me to passion, delights and power!!

Take care all!